it’s all how you look at it…

is that “jerk” really just teaching you a lesson?

most often there are lessons all around us. sometimes the lesson is just to stay clear of someone’s negative energy. once we start looking, there’s always something (and revealing) to see.

what we perceive as pain is often growth disguised. if we never look at it that way, it’s just painful and tiring and there’s no place to go from there.

small adjustment: when you’re really upset with someone’s behavior, pause. ask yourself, what’s happening in this situation that makes the central character a teacher (mentor)? and what can you take away that’s positive for the future?

“Thanks for packing the Cheetos so nicely. There’s nothing worse than gettting home to smooshed Cheetos.”

That simple comment just might make somebody’s day.

Recognized or not, care is an extension and expression of love. The world needs us to reinforce others for caring. Many of us do things because we want to, because it feels good, because it feels right, without the need or expectation of recognition. When someone says thank you, they’re sending that caring back.

small adjustment: notice someone doing something with thought and care and thank them. how did they react? how did you feel?

“yes” just feels better.

we seem to use it sparingly these days, no?

so much is competing for our attention. so much begs us to distraction. “no” is the new guardian.

i try to say “no” to things that are easy, because there’s probably not too much upside.

i try to say “yes” to things that are hard. my hunch is that there’s probably more growth and reward to be found there.

maybe that’s the golden rule of thumb for getting impactful things done.

“yes” seems to align and expand. it’s hooked up with good !

small adjustment: say “yes” as often as possible today. how did it go?

the things you notice every day are effected by whichever channel is on in the background.

it seems easier to notice all the things that are “wrong” around us when we’re in a funk, then to see all the things that are going “right” when we’re feeling good. the trick is to remember to notice the good things in either situation.

in taking the time to notice (and pay attention to which channel is on), it’s easier to tune into all the good little everyday things going on around you.

small adjustment: when you’re paying attention to something negative, see if there’s something positive right beside it? does it change how you feel? (the background channel?)

we’re always noticing something… what channel is on in the background? is it making things easier?

These were the words spoken to me many years ago by George, a wise young island man in Antigua. When he said it, it made perfect sense to me. What he was meaning was “don’t give in and you’ll feel better.” (of course this perfectly applies to weight training.)

I kept having trouble with the word “resist.” That seemed like effort or struggle. In martial arts you don’t meet the blow with resistance, so how can a positive outcome arise from something (an idea or person) that you have to resist? It’s antithetical to the idea of “flow” or “going with the flow.”

I now appreciate that sometimes we have to challenge ourselves to break the pattern of behavior that we want to change.

So resistance here is to resist the temptation of the same old thing – because it’s easier and a lot of times it can bring comfort; whether it’s food, inertia, drink, drugs, or staying in the same job or relationship.

If we’re paying attention to where we are in the moment, at the point of decision, when you’re aware that there’s a choice, you can choose something else – resist the same old, say “no” to what you’ve been choosing.

Making a different choice can really lift you up. You have power, you feel stronger. This is what George meant by getting more strength. Once you do this, it makes choosing something different the next time easier. It will become easier to keep making changes. Before you know it those 20 extra pounds are history (or whatever it is that you want to change.)

Paying attention to the point of choice is the first key. The second is to challenge yourself to resist the same choice you’ve been making. (There will always be a cookie in your future if you want it. Your desire to have it right now will pass.)

small adjustment: notice your point of decision around something that you want to change. have the courage to resist doing the same thing. make a different choice this time. how do you feel?

note: thanks to Leo Babauta for his post “The Secret Rule of Changing Anything” for reminding me of George.